Did this newbie forget to wash this relatively large hand?

With an album title as ominous as No Hope No Future it’s no wonder we couldn’t wait to shake a stick at Good Shoes’ pessimistic outlook, by intentionally predicting their future, with, (wait for it...) SUPERSWEET’s own palm reader, Gemma Dempster.  Grasping the hand of bassist Will Church, to discover if he really is Good Shoes material, we literally scared the b’jesus out of him, sadly dictating a rather dismal future for the poor “ignorant” boy with incredibly filthy hands.

“One...Two...Three!”

Watching the eager-beaver competition between Tom Jones, Will and Steve fight for the right to be palm read couldn’t be more entertaining; who knew Paper/Scissors/Rock could involve such trifling politics (Tom: YOU CHEATED!). Winning the feat, the playful band readily rips into the cleanliness of the relatively-new initiated bassist...
Steve: What is that horrible stain on your hand?
Will: Palm.
Rhys: You’ve got very odd hands.
Will: No I don’t!
Steve: Of all the people that would want their palm read, with a big, grubby, creamy mayonnaise-y stain.
Will: Do you want me to wash it?
SS: Nah, adds authenticity. (Note: Dirt actually nullifies the whole palm reading process, but it was more fun to watch Will be verbally tortured!)
Steve: Looks like the mayonnaise you get stuck round the jar...

Finally, we cue the imaginary Gypsy Rose-Lee veil and SS’s Palm Reader extraordinaire enters to have a first look at Will’s hand size...
SS: You’ve got quite a long hand...you’re either useful to society but you are on that cusp of not being useful. You live in your own dream-world, that’s how you establish your life. You feel like you should be useful, but you really are not because you establish your ideas within your dream world.
Steve: Wow, you’re a genius.
Will: So I’m utterly useless. What if I aspire to be more useful?
SS: It would only pan out within your imaginary world, that’s why you’re useless to society.
Steve: Is that a tear, Will?

Now for the hand-lines.
SS: They are quite distinct, that’s a positive thing. You have strong feelings on what your dislikes/likes are, but you are a little bit closed minded.
Steve: He does insist about going to church every day.
Will: I think I am actually quite open! So my heart and head lines are quite good, but I’m ignorant? So I’m a dreamer, going to achieve nothing, I’m ignorant but I’ll live long. Ignorant for a long time, and probably (going to be) on the dole for the rest of my life.
SS: Maybe that’s why you live for a long time?
Will: Because I don’t do anything...this is interesting.

It’s time to reveal your long-term future, in your life line.
Will: I can’t deal with this anymore.
SS: Your life line, it’s actually quite short...quite broken, so you are going to have quite a dramatic life, but hey, not necessarily death! You are emotionally influenced by others, there’s going to be a point in your life that’s quite traumatic.
Will: I should have died when I was a baby. Oh My God. I’m going to have a mid-life crisis!
Steve: Do you think you can pinpoint a date and time so we can get the cameras in?

How smart are you? Let’s check the head line.
SS: The head Line, it’s fairly deep and distinct, you are quite intellectual, witty...
Will: Kind. Of.
Rhys: Combine that with ignorance.
Will: It is kind of conflicting.
Tom: How does it (his hand) look at that angle?
Will: So if you go like (puts his hand around Steve’s neck and stares into each other’s eyes)... For a recap. I’m intellectual and ignorant. I can deal with that.
SS: The fork line between the life line and the head line is actually quite wide, so you’re quite adaptable, quite resourceful, but in only your dream world.
Will: Yeah, so this is all in my head. God. I’m so deluded.

Now for your ticker...
SS: The heart line, it’s quite deep, can’t tell if its dirt or not...
Will: These are clean!
SS: As it’s quite deep shows you have emotional connections with your family, a bit of a peacemaker. It’s long too, so you are a good friend; you are also quite protective, nurturing.
Steve: Can we have more of the bad stuff?
Will: No please!
SS: Bad stuff...right if you have “U” shape between the heart line and your middle finger, means you have a good sex life. You don’t have one.
Good Shoes: OH NO!
Will: I can draw one on man...thanks for that. I think.

And for the last nail in the coffin...
SS: We are looking at your nails now.
Tom: (Grimace) I’m glad this isn’t me!
SS: They’re actually quite long. Means you put your loved ones first.
Rhys: Surely short would be putting your loved ones first.
Will: As in haven’t been cut?
SS: No! They are also large, meaning you are a big thinker.
Will: Oh My God. I’m quite happy now, I was re-evaluating my life!

Words: Gemma Dempster